Reader Fiction | The Odd Couple
A brilliant work of fiction sent in by one of our very own Woman’s Way readers.
THE ODD COUPLE
By Collette Bonnar
‘That woman’s laziness could secure her a place in the Guinness Book of Records.’
‘Yes, the poor man looks exhausted, dancing attendance on her,’ Keith replied.
‘I couldn’t see you being as tolerant as that with me,’ his wife teased. ‘Still it’s fun to people watch.’ Wendy chuckled, as she observed the hassled looking husband on the balcony in the apartment opposite. He was hanging out his wife’s swimwear and underwear to dry, while she sat on a sun lounger sipping a glass of wine smoking a cigarette and reading a book which was perched on her lap.
‘Wow! He’s even lighting her cigarette in between hanging up her washing,’ Wendy laughed. ‘Oh look he’s renewing her sun lotion again for her!’
Keith and Wendy were feigning interest in their holiday reading material while observing this odd couple.
As Mrs Lazy Bones drained the last dregs of her wine, she held out her glass for a refill. The henpecked husband was obviously busy inside. After holding the glass aloft for two seconds she duly whipped out her mobile phone from underneath the sun lounger. Next thing, he appeared with the bottle of wine and replenished the proffered glass.
‘Make sure you cook the steak to my liking this time.’ Her tinny voice shrilled around the Sun Valley Apartments.
‘Yes Dear, I’ll try my best,’ the meek little man replied as Mrs Lazy Bones raised her legs higher on her sun recliner.
‘Harold my cigarette has gone out again and my page needs turning.’ She whined for the umpteenth time.
‘I’ll be with you in a minute,’ his resigned voice echoed.
The harassed Harold came scurrying out to fulfil her latest demand.
Keith and Wendy had arrived five days earlier. On the first morning as they were having breakfast on the balcony the unusual pair in the apartment across the way caught their attention. Each day the lazy wife sunbathed while her husband was at her constant beck and call. When she wasn’t whining in her tinny voice she was summonsing the unfortunate husband on the mobile phone.
‘How’s the holiday going?’ Chris the English barman at the Red Snapper Beach bar enquired.
‘Well, funny you should ask! Since we arrived here I’ve come to realise how lucky I am.’ Keith replied, smiling fondly at his wife. ‘We’ve been observing a couple who’re staying in our complex. You should see that poor husband running around in circles. He must be married to the laziest woman in the world.’
Keith and Wendy went on to regale the antics of Mrs lazy Bones and how the hapless husband was jumping to her every demand.
‘You must be joking! What kind of a wuss is he? And what sort of an idle lump is she?’ Chris went into peals of laughter. Lifting the empty glasses he went off chuckling and shaking his head.
‘I’ll nip to the bathroom before we head off.’ Wendy declared.
As she rounded the corner she froze. She stood rooted to the spot for a moment before fleeing back to their table.
‘Let’s get out of here fast!’ She hissed at Keith.
‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ her astounded husband asked.
‘Just leave the money for the bill, I’ll explain later.’ Wendy made a beeline for the door followed by a baffled Keith who thought his wife looked like she’d seen a ghost.
Five minutes later they were back in the Sun Valley complex. Wendy flopped into a chair as Keith poured her a glass of wine.
‘Here, you look like you could do with this. Tell me what happened back there.’
‘I was going around the corner in the direction of the ladies room and I could overhear Chris talking to a couple at a table by the window; I nearly passed out when I heard what he was saying to them.
‘So you’re staying in the Sun Valley Apartments, I hear there’s a really odd couple staying there. Apparently they’re providing nonstop entertainment to the other holiday-makers. The poor husband is running in and out hanging out her laundry, lighting her cigarette, pouring her wine, cooking the meals, applying hr sun lotion. She even summons him on her mobile phone to turn the pages in her book. She must be some lazy slob and he must be one helluva wimp.’
‘Well I suppose there’s nothing unusual in him repeating the story,’ Keith remarked. ‘That’s what everyone does on holiday, “people watch” and then glibly talk about it.
A badly shaken Wendy replied. ‘Maybe… but as it so happens the couple he was telling it to, are none other than Mrs Lazy Bones and the beleaguered Harold!’
