The parent trap: Are you sabotaging your greatness?

You’re doing a great job already, so why do you feel like you’re not doing enough for your children? It’s time to give yourself some credit. As parents we tend to judge ourselves very, very harshly.  So the next time you hear that little voice in your head scolding you, look instead at all the ways you’re magnificent. By Una Rice.

1 We compare ourselves with othersLooking in on other peoples situations can make life feel less than rosy. If other parents are more sorted, more with it, financially better off, or seemingly better parents, it can trigger feelings of inadequacy. The truth is everyone has some struggle going on but from the outside looking in it can appear different. Comparing ourselves with others means that we‘re not recognising our true value. Everyone has that friend who has Christmas organized already, that makes us feel disorganized. But look at it from a different perspective – you’re probably amazing at pulling it all together quickly on a more challenging budget.

2 We look to celebritiesWhile some are hugely inspiring, there is a certain amount of fake news surrounding the A list parents. Many have lots of extra paid help and they’re not required to multitask quite like us normal mums. The Royals are often both praised and admired for those amazing post birth photographs on the steps of the hospital, but really wouldn’t you rather be back in bed cuddling the baby and enjoying tea and toast slathered with marmalade? It’s Kate’s job to look immaculate after the birth and we could all be like that with a team of stylists. We bet she went straight home and slipped into joggers and dressing gown.

3 We panic when the kids don’t deliver straight AsWhat’s more important, constant high grades or a happy child? We’re not saying that the child who excels can’t be happy too. Lower grades leave room for improvement and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that – it’s part of life’s learning curve. What’s more fulfilling by far is a happy child, meeting his or her potential and being allowed to explore their talents and gifts, having fun along the way.

4 We worry about screen timeScreen time are the buzzwords largely overused and they create anxiety in parents who worry about the effects. Truth be told, most children have vastly well managed hours doing a mix of activities. Screen time gets a bad press, but let’s not forget, it’s fun time, it’s social time and it’s relaxation time as well – for children and parents.

5 We run out of hoursOften there never seems to be enough time. But really, look at the extraordinary amount you fit into a typical day that’s benefitting your children – from the moment you take them to school to the moment you tuck them up in bed. It’s like the end of the world to us when we sit down and realise we have a longer chat, take them swimming or read a bedtime story. But it’s possible you were using that time taking them to football, cooking a great dinner or helping with homework. Be kind to yourself.

6 We feel we’ve failedWhen something goes wrong we feel responsible. When our child isn’t studying for big exams, gets in trouble, is being difficult or rude we see it as a reflection of our parenting. We think it’s linked to something we did or didn’t do. But you can’t control every single thing and your child will meet challenges you never imagined. Failing exams, getting distracted, doing things our parents don’t approve of, relationship break downs, separation, divorce - they’re all part of the fabric of life.

7 We fail to acknowledge the super stuffParenting today is vastly more pressured. We’re bombarded through the media with all the evidence of scores of studies on best outcomes regarding diet, health, fitness, education. We’ve got the additional challenge of competing with the world wide web to get our children’s attention and ensure they’ve got enough fresh air, friends and opportunities. We’re doing all of this in a busy and materialistic society. We’ve already got this and are doing an amazing job.