The parenting juggle struggle

For some, parenting seems easy and fulfilling. But often parents may struggle to find enjoyment in the demands required from being a parent. Here’s how to break free of a vicious circle. By Una Rice.

We live in a world of child focussed parenting where parents work hard and give lots in terms of time, money and energy to ensure the kids have the best and strive to be their best. But high octane parenting can come with a price. When you’re pushing yourself too hard in any aspect you can end up feeling drained – emotionally, physically and financially. Suddenly the day to day parenting is a chore, not a joy.

Many parents are simply not enjoying parenting because of the obligations associated with the job, obligations which are eclipsing some of the more important elements. If you have ever been in a low place, feeling despair or anxiety, whether it’s related to finances, family problems, even marital issues and breakdown, it’s heartening to know that situations can and do turn around for the better and improve and that sometimes experiencing that low place can be a springboard to much better things and a new more enlightened way of looking at your situation. But there are practical things you can do too, to escape a negative mindset, to free you to enjoy parenting a lot more.

1 Don’t be hard on yourself

There’s no point tormenting yourself with reminders of what you did or failed to do, or how things went wrong. People tend to talk very negatively to themselves, so remind yourself of this the next time you hear your ‘mind chatter.’ How would you talk to a friend who was experiencing difficulties? Chances are you’d be gentle and helpful. Talk to yourself the same way, you are your best buddy.

2 Reach out and talk

Pressures and problems seem much worse when they’re kept inside. Your brain struggles to find a solution but can end up in a loop. Sitting down with a trusted friend or even a counsellor - whether it’s related to bereavement or marital breakdown, or problems with child behaviour - can be a huge relief. Talking is a like a release valve, suddenly you’re not bottling up, hiding, or in denial. Then you can start to move to finding answers.

3 Think positive

Thinking positive doesn’t mean that you have to accept awful circumstances and put up with them. It does however mean changing the way that you perceive things. So things may appear awful, but you can train your mind to reframe it to attracting a solution for your problem, rather than dwelling on the problem itself.

4 Finance first

This time of year is particularly financially draining for many families. According to the Irish League of Credit Unions, some families have turned to expensive money lenders to cover back to school costs. According to their survey, two thirds of families will experience financial pressure and one third of families will go into debt at this time. Tackling finances can put parents into a fear mindset. Resolve to face those fears by sitting down and being honest about finances with your partner and the action steps you can take today to begin to resolve them. They may not be sorted all at once, but the important thing is you’ve started.

5 Look after yourself

This isn’t about getting some ‘mummy time’ or a grabbing a coffee with a friend, or an uninterrupted half an hour to read a book. It’s about continually prioritising your wellbeing so that you can then see to the needs/requirements of children. It may be about taking a bold leap into something you’ve always yearned for, but never had the courage to do – such as a starting up a business, taking evening classes or switching jobs to something more fulfilling. Some of these changes can seem insurmountable when you have a young family so look to other women who have done it before you as inspiration.

6 Learn to say no

If the children have learned pester power, if there’s a family member who constantly brings you down or picks fights, stand in your power and learn to say ‘no.’ Walk away from negativity. Create that essential boundary so that you’re not walked over or treated poorly.

7 Take micro steps

Parenting can be overwhelming, particularly when you are helping a child with additional special needs, when you have very young children, if you are single, if some other personal issue is preventing you from reaching your true power or goals. Often big changes don’t happen overnight, but occur gradually as a result of taking small definite steps. Consider what you would like to change for the better by this time next year and plan to incorporate one change into each new month, or each new week or each new day.