A problem shared

When we think of talking therapy, we tend to think of a clinical room, a patient reclined on a sofa while a cold psychotherapist analyses their every move. The reality is that therapy offers people a warm and safe environment where they can share their problems without fear of judgement.

Admitting that we’d like to talk to someone about our problems takes a lot of guts and often vising a therapist can be an incredibly intimidating experience.

“There’s an old phrase, ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ so talking about our problems, it gets things out in the open. If you don’t share, you’re internalising everything,” says Emma Doyle, a Psychotherapist based in Cork.

“What happens if somebody is keeping everything inside their own heads, they can actually add arms and legs onto things, whereas if you say it out loud, you can get somebody else’s perspective of your problem and you can see it in front of you for the reality that it is, as opposed to what you’re perceiving it to be.”

One of the main things that therapists are skilled at is helping you to understand the root what’s causing you to feel a certain way.

“A big aim in therapy is to help to bring a client something that’s out of their awareness, into awareness. Sometimes people might feel anxious or might feel a lot of anger and they actually don’t know why,” says Emma.

“The therapist will be skilled to help you tease out what’s behind that, so what’s behind the anger, what’s behind the anxiety, and like with any problem, once you can see it in front of you and understand it, then you have access to more options on how you can respond to the problem.”

When it comes to speaking to a therapist, there are a number of ways in which you can make an appointment. You can seek a referral from your GP or make an appointment directly yourself. Once you’ve found a therapist, it’s understandable to feel a little intimidated or worried before your first visit but there are ways you can make it a little easier for yourself.

“It helps to maybe have something in your mind of what it is that you would like to share, but at the same time, I don’t like people to feel under pressure to come in and divulge absolutely everything. The key thing to prepare is to acknowledge that you are going to therapy and that you are making a step towards making a change in your life,” says Emma.

Therapy can be an emotional experience and many of us baulk at the thoughts of actually crying in front of a therapist, but this, Emma explains, is nothing to worry about.

“What I want people to hear is that when you’re coming to therapy, it’s your space. It’s your space to be whatever you want it to be and the therapist is trained to receive you in whatever way you are. So whether that’s crying, whether that’s silence, whether that’s anger at a safe level, the therapist is there to receive all of that.”

I ask Emma what she would say to someone who is considering therapy but who feels a little anxious about it.

“I would say do the acknowledgement and the preparation beforehand. Check out the surroundings – the practical things, like knowing where the therapy is so they’re not getting stressed out trying to find a building like that. Go in with an open mind and know that the therapist will be there to receive them whatever way they are,” says Emma.

“And again I think it’s really important for people to know that therapists, we’re trained to have unconditional positive regard, so it doesn’t matter what you tell me. I’m still there for you. Sometimes if people are sharing problems with friends and family, they can be rejected or they might find themselves being dismissed.

“As a therapist we’re trained to constantly have that unconditional positive regard so we can accept whatever it is that somebody is bringing.”

Often we can consider our personal worries ‘small’ but Emma says that this shouldn’t stop you from seeing a therapist.

“I’d like for people to know that there’s no problem too big or too small. Now there might be a problem that needs a special type of treatment and that’s okay, but sometimes I think that people come to me and it might be a small problem that they have and it’s almost like they feel a guilt for being there because, ‘Oh, there’s so much worse going on in the world and my problem is a small thing.’

“I want them to know that their problem is their problem and it’s relevant to their experience and that’s okay.”

Emma Doyle is a Psychotherapist with MyMind in Cork. For more information log on to www.mymind.org