Feed, cuddle, repeat: The 6 things new parents wish they knew

The six things new parents wished they knew

By Una Rice

When parents look back upon the first couple of years, there are usually a few stark realisations...

THE BEST BIRTHS DON’T ALWAYS GO TO PLAN Most of us have a picture in our heads of the perfect type of birth scenario – where there are no problems and it all goes according to our written birthplan. Our birth buddy, whether it’s the child’s dad, our mum, or a sister or friend, will be there to wipe our brow, rub our backs and say the right things. When a birth expectation is not met, for instance if it results in an emergency caesarean, we can feel robbed of the experience we would have preferred, and the disappointment or even fear can linger for a long time. This is a natural response. “I felt guilty for requesting an elective caesarean on medical grounds,” reveals one mum. “But in hindsight, it was the right decision for the time and I shouldn’t have felt guilt. The important thing was the safe delivery of my baby.”

IT’S OKAY TO NOT BREASTFEED While it’s natural, nutritious, free, convenient, superb for bonding and can help shrink the uterus back into place, there can be a huge amount of guilt involved in deciding not to breastfeed or being unable to. But breastfeeding is only one of a huge number of things you can do and decisions you can make for your child over the years that promotes their wellbeing and health – from healthy food to fresh air
and exercise. If someone is insensitive enough to question your decision whether you breastfeed for a few weeks or for a few years, it’s not worth getting upset over. Try to do what feels right for you and be guided by your baby’s needs.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE ADVICE When you have a new baby, advice, especially from certain people, can feel preachy and it can often feel like criticism. Most people when offering advice are offering it kindly in a helpful way. But if there’s someone who does not have your best interests at heart and is in a subtle way undermining you through offering – or being very forceful with – their pearls of wisdom, you can smile sweetly, and let it flow in one ear and out the other.

YOU DON’T NEED MUCH EQUIPMENT While a steriliser is a must, and a pram or buggy and a cot is essential, and a baby- carrier sling may be your best friend, many parents discover that much of the equipment they purchased is surplus to requirements. While it’s super fun baby shopping, not all of t is necessary and it may be better value borrowing certain items like a Moses basket, baby swing, or other items your baby won’t need for more than a few weeks. Babies outgrow clothes in record time, so it’s worth receiving from and passing on to family and friends. Many parents opt for charity shop seconds, when it comes to clothing and hard, durable early-learning toys.

YOUR INSTINCT IS POWERFUL It can be daunting being handed your new baby – or twins or triplets – to bring home and care for 24/7. But one thing that often resonates with mothers is the prevailing sense of instinct that kicks in when looking after a tiny person. It is a powerful thing and it becomes strengthened over the years. You can not only intuitively sense when your baby is about to waken in the night for a feed, but also when they’re a bit off, or are coming down with something.

YOU CAN’T OVERDO THE CUDDLES Thankfully you cannot spoil a baby by picking them up for a cuddle when they cry. You can cuddle all day long if you like and many parents embrace the attachment parenting technique, using slings to stay close to baby all day. A baby is soothed by its mother’s heartbeat and warmth and you may find they’re less windy after a feed and more content. Make the most of the cuddling years, as before you it, they’re too heavy to scoop up into your arms.