These days it seems as though the internet is intrinsically woven into the lifestyle of children and teenagers. In the days pre-internet if a child or a teen was having a problem, chances are they would speak to their parents. Nowadays the social media generation are shunning this traditional source of support in favour of search engines and anonymous forums. But with the stark lack of regulation on the web, is this safe?

“It’s woven into their being at the moment because they’ve grown up with this technology, so for them it’s not unusual to go help-seeking online, whereas for us we might go to the GP first… but Google is where people turn to,” says Coleman Noctor, a child and adolescent psychotherapist from St Patrick’s Hospital, Dublin.

“From our point of view there’s a lot of good stuff online, in terms of stuff on anxiety or mood disorders, but there’s also quite uninformed, toxic materials that can misinform youngsters on what they’re struggling with… My worry is that with all the benefits that online technology provides, there are also still deficits to it. My worry is that I think we have embraced it without any questions, so we’ve just dived into this in terms of inviting technology into our homes, into our families and into our relationships without any real knowledge of the outcome.”

Coleman, who is speaking at this year’s Reachout.com Technology for Wellbeing Conference in Dublin in September, says he’s seen a sharp rise in the amount of children and teens turning to Google as opposed to their parents when they have a problem. But why is this?

“Google comes without judgement in that sense of it’s a private space and it becomes that safe ‘other’ person where perhaps you would turn to your peer group in the past or an uncle, a football coach or whatever it might be – we tend to turn to chat rooms and anonymity which allows the question to be asked, which is good, but it’s just a question of the authenticity of the answer that you get…

“A lot of people who go online have their own story to tell but each story is very different, especially when it comes to mental distress – people can experience it in very different ways and cope with it in different ways. One person’s truth isn’t necessarily fact.”

Given the volumes of children and teens turning to the internet looking for advice, Coleman says that the internet is having a massive impact on the parent/child relationship.

“The internet has changed the landscape of the family completely and I think it’s twofold. If we were having this conversation five years ago I would be saying to you, “It’s the kids and those screens and we can’t talk to our children because they’re stuck on those screens and they’re inaccessible.” That conversation has changed now where it’s the children who are saying: “I can’t get in touch with my parents because they’re stuck on screens.” 

Naoise Kavanagh, the Online Communications Manager for Reachout.com, agrees with Coleman when he says that often kids find their parents are hard to talk to because they too have their face buried in a phone.

“Absolutely. We hear that all the time. It’s become a natural part of our every day. I’ve even heard it in offices where someone asks, “How do you do that?” and everyone is like, “Well, Google it.”

Naoise says that for children and teens, turning to the internet for advice or support is  “a very natural next step.”

“It’s a bit of an ownership. For example, this is something that’s going on with me – particularly if it’s something troubling or sensitive – and I want to access it on my own terms and inform myself as much as possible and maybe then I’ll go and ask questions about it.”

Coleman says that it’s important for adults to set a proper example for their children and teens when it comes to internet usage.

“I think if you’re saying to your child, “Come off that technology, turn off that screen,” while you’re looking at your mobile phone, that’s like saying, “Finish your porridge while I have a packet of crisps.” Children are not going to buy into that.

“It’s [all about] trying to be involved in that conversation. If the parents don’t have the answers, and many parents don’t for their child that’s experiencing anxiety or eating problems, whatever. Go online and try and find the answers together. Use the technology as a coming together to ally with your child.

“It’s so important that you’re sitting with your child going through this rather than sitting away from them… It’s about being available, being approachable and being honest.”