Dear Mel,

I am worried my friend is leaning too much on alcohol.

I know I am not alone in struggling with the effects of the lockdown, I feel fortunate as none of my family have been affected and hopefully, we will all stay safe and continue to avoid it. We have all been very socially distant outside our bubble. It was easier in good weather. One thing I have tried to do is call friends regularly and check in on them and we used to do weekly zooms with wine, that fizzled out as we resumed our work and home commitments and honestly it got boring as no one had any news to share with no socialising going on.  

Maybe I am being oversensitive but one of my closest friends has gradually become more and more uncommunicative since then. We would usually WhatsApp daily and phone a couple of times a week. Now I am lucky to get a monosyllabic response to a WhatsApp and if I call her, I get voicemail followed by a WhatsApp saying she is busy. I usually call when I know she is not. I am particularly concerned as she is someone that I would regard as a heavy drinker. My worry is that she is avoiding contact with her friends, so we do not know the extent of how difficult lock down is for her, and perhaps she is leaning a bit too heavily on alcohol. She lives alone and her family live quite far away also. I do not know who if anyone is in her bubble.  I cannot drive to her house as its outside the 5km limit and I worry the journey might not be classed as essential. I do not want to confront her over the phone as she might become defensive and shut down the conversation. I just want my friend to be ok and not worry that at the end of this lockdown she emerges with a serious addiction. What is the best way I can address this to help my friend? 

Bernie, Co. Laois

Dear Bernie,

I am glad you and your family are coping with this difficult period, there are many who are not coping so well. Many like your friend who are possibly turning to other options to prop themselves up and make themselves feel better. Which of course can often make people feel worse. Everyone has their own way of coping, and sadly many people are struggling with mental health issues. There are the socially acceptable distractions and coping mechanisms like going for a walk or a run, watching Netflix, making jigsaws, reading and gardening. Then there are  less beneficial ones, which might also be harmful like gambling, drugs and alcohol, all of which bring their own problems and exacerbate the feelings of isolation, anxiety and depression. I know you are concerned about her and you are a good friend to be worried and reach out for help. The most important first step might be to find out if she really is leaning on alcohol too much. Maybe try again to phone her and if she doesn’t answer leave a message to say you are thinking of her and always available to talk. I know it is frustrating when someone doesn’t respond but perhaps a little persistence is no harm given that your intuition is telling you something is awry. She might get irritated but that’s far less of a problem than someone feeling isolated and alone and relying on alcohol too much (which of course causes a whole raft of physical and mental health issues). She could really be genuinely busy, we all tend to drift apart from friends at the moment and she might have a new project on the go. But I think you should trust your gut on this one. If the telephone call doesn’t work and you are still worried then I think the best option is to drive over to her house. Being worried about a friend in mental health distress is a valid reason for breaking the restrictions, especially if you have exhausted all other avenues. I believe a guard would understand genuine concern if you were stopped. You could be honest with her and say you missed her and wanted to say hello. Bring flowers or chocolates to show her you come in peace and not alarm her that you physically wanted to check on her wellbeing. I think by talking to her on the doorstep (keeping a safe distance) you might be better able to judge if she needs your help. And what if your worst fears are realised? I think encouraging her to contact her GP is a good first step. Remember you are her friend and not a professional so please investigate local support networks who may be able to offer her online support. The HSE has a Drugs and Alcohol Helpline - freephone 1800 459 459 which offers confidential information and support. I hope she is ok, and she is lucky that she has you in her life regardless of the outcome. 

Visit hse.ie for further information on support groups. 

Good luck, Mel.