Real Life - The Mother of all years

​THE MOTHER OF ALL YEARS

Ahead of Mother’s Day, Domhnall O’Donoghue talks to three friends who welcomed babies amidst the chaos of COVID-19

This Mother’s Day, we will celebrate the magnificence of thousands of mammies across the country. But there is a troop of women who deserve special recognition for overcoming a salvo of pandemic-related hurdles while welcoming their bundles of joy into the world. 

Ivi Finken and Bowie

One such person is my best friend, Ruth Keane, who gave birth to Charlie last November. This pregnancy was, understandably, a challenging experience for her.

“For all my appointments, I was on my own - particularly daunting for the big three-month and 20-week scans,” Ruth explains. “There was no one to turn to; no hand to hold.”

When Charlie was delivered by C-section, her fiancé, David, was only allowed in towards the final stages of the birth. Ruth, a schoolteacher in Navan, says that she will always remember the nurse’s kindness and compassion that day, which alleviated her loneliness.​​

After he was born, Charlie was taken to ICU, so Ruth had to wear a mask while feeding him.

“He couldn’t look at my face; just my eyes,” she recalls. “Initially, I worried that he wouldn’t recognise me. We know the importance of babies seeing their mother’s face - it creates an instant bond.”

Another noticeable difference following the birth was the hospital’s limited visiting hours: only one person, David, could visit. For medical reasons, Ruth remained in hospital for 11 days. During that time, she couldn’t see her daughter, Frankie.

Once discharged, Ruth couldn’t welcome anyone into the home to show off her darling boy. What’s more, those all-important mother-and-child groups weren’t taking place. 
“Frankie adored attending music groups, listening to instruments and melodies and rhythms - and I know Charlie would have, too,” Ruth says. “I’ve tried to replicate those experiences at home.”
She adds: “Another benefit to those groups is getting opportunities to leave the house and share experiences with other mothers. You also get to put on make-up and brush your hair! But Charlie is happy and healthy, and that’s all that matters.”
Another close friend, Anthony Morris, welcomed his daughter, Bowie, in January 2020, just as COVID-19 was making its presence felt in Ireland. Following the birth, his fiancée, Ivi Finken, tells me that the lockdown allowed her to bond with her baby without fearing that she was missing out on anything in the outside world. 

Ruth Keane and baby Charlie

Her own mother had planned to stay with them in the second month; unfortunately, she couldn’t come until the eighth month due to restrictions. 
“I’m very independent, but I realised then how much I needed her support,” Ivi says.

And so, she and Anthony had to rely on each other - “our relationship strengthened because of it.”

As the traditional support networks weren’t available to her, Ivi, a first-time mother, availed of online breastfeeding support instead.

“I even had a lactation consultation over Zoom!” she remembers.

Ivi recently returned to her nursing work, and when we speak, she has just received her first vaccination. Looking ahead, she hopes Bowie will soon get to meet her paternal grandmother.

“We couldn’t bring Bowie to her grandmother in Wexford. Even when the restrictions were lifted, we decided not to visit because Anthony’s mother is considered vulnerable. I can’t wait for them to meet!”

Another dear friend, Clíona Standún, also faced many obstacles during her pregnancy with her second child, Éile.
“It was an anxious time,” Clíona vividly remembers. “My husband, David, wasn’t allowed to attend scans and had to wait in the car. I’d text him to let him know that everything was okay. He missed out.”
Clíona also had to contend with professional challenges. As Managing Director of Connemara’s much-loved clothing emporium, Standún Department Stores, she reveals that half of their business originates from tourism - an industry that imploded in 2020.
“When I was three months pregnant, I developed shingles,” she mentions. “This was directly related to the stress of us having to close our two stores in Spiddal and Oughterard and temporarily lay off our staff.

“I worried about what effect that would have on Éile. Thankfully, I don’t think she’s been affected - she’s so laid back and easy-going!”
Clíona believes the strict travel restrictions have produced some unexpected advantages.

“Staying closer to home means that I can stop and talk to neighbours. Previously, we wouldn’t have had the time. I’m now meeting people who might have been in school with my dad, for example - they tell me stories about growing up in Spiddal many years ago. 
“I feel we’re now more conscious of others; the community spirit has been strengthened.”

In the future, Clíona promises to tell Éile that her arrival was the “best thing to happen in such an unusual year.”