Learning to Thrive

Learning to Thrive

Trish Kearney is far more than a survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of disgraced former swimming coach George Gibney. Despite what she’s been through, the mother of four is now clearly happy in her own skin. Warm, honest and unassuming, she’s still never lost the fierce determination of the Olympic hopeful she once was. It’s what pulled her through her darkest days, she tells Carissa Casey.   

Trish Kearney is glowing after the launch of her book Above Water. It’s an extraordinary achievement, penned by Kearney herself and detailing all the pain, hurt and damage that is inflicted on a child who has been sexually abused. She doesn’t flinch from calling out Irish society for not just failing to support victims but, at times, actively accusing them of lying. Still, she is far from bitter. If anything she seems truly empowered by finally getting to tell her story.

“I look back and think that people like me, Lavinia Kerwick (the first woman to go public after a rape trail), victims of sexual abuse in the clergy, in swimming, in the boy scouts, all of us - we are the people who made this country what it is today. We got battered by the country and by society, but more people kept coming forward,” she says.

Above Water is a searing account of what that courage cost Trish. She was first raped at 13 by her swimming coach George Gibney, who bullied, terrified and abused her until she finally got free at the age of 21. But the pain didn’t end. Having successfully buried the memories, she began to experience flashbacks after the birth of her first child. She discovered in a letter from her old swimming pal Gary O’Toole, that she was one of many victims. This enraged her and she worked up the courage to make a statement to police. But Gibney got off on a technicality. Trish was 34 weeks pregnant with her second child when she was told. “My nightmares returned with a vengeance, and as I lay in the darkness, afraid to return to sleep, I was haunted by memories…” 

A year later, with Gibney back working as a swimming coach in Scotland, Trish – along  with other victims - told her story under an assumed name in the Sunday Tribune. Until that moment, Gibney’s name hadn’t been made public. Official Ireland was aghast. To Trish at the time, it felt like the upset was more about Gibney being named than any sense of regret or remorse at what had happened to young children. The Scottish swimming club who employed Gibney was eventually forced to let him go after pressure from parents. But many in the swimming community believed the allegations were malicious and untrue. On Christmas Eve, she read a letter published in the Sunday Tribune in response to the Gibney story. The words “there is much that is good in George Gibney” delivered a killer punch, she remembers. 

Yet there was always something of a ‘tough cookie’ about Trish, she proudly admits. “For me it was very important to push on, not allow myself to be buried in whatever it would be - nightmares, flashbacks. I had this massive belief to push on to make myself well.”

So, when her seven year old daughter announced she wanted to join a swimming club, Trish swallowed her panic and made herself bring her little girl back to a pool which still held horrific memories for her. But after a while, not only did her anxiety subside, but she began to think about swimming again. She joined a local swimming club and eventually became a teacher and a coach. “Swimming had never hurt me, Gibney and an inept organisation had.”

She made a conscious decision to begin to heal her relationship with her mother, who she first told of the abuse after she had reported it to the police. Stunned her mother, pleaded with her not to pursue the case with the police. Hurt and angry, Trish left the house and for several years, relations between the two women were strained. “The hurt and horror Gibney bought into our lives was not enough to destroy us. The love we shared was deep enough to see through the darkness.” 

As Trish slowly found her feet in a world determined to ignore the crimes of the past, Gibney was reportedly living in America. Trish agreed to participate in the BBC podcast Where is George Gibney? broadcast late last year. After her initial conversation with host Mark Horgan she felt elated. But later, on her own, sadness crept in, sadness for all the tender young lives damaged by Gibney’s abuse. 

“Sometimes I still ask myself, ‘Am I healed?’ The answer is yes and no. Yes… because today I can honestly say I live a happy and contented life…No…because I am scarred, deeply. Yet I no longer try to hide those scars. They show my strengths, not my weaknesses. They made me who I am.”

Above Water is published by Hachette Ireland and is available from all good booksellers.

It’s tempting to believe that child sexual abuse is a crime of the past. Today’s children are made aware of the dangers of sexual abuse in a way that kids growing up in the 80s weren’t. Organisations are more transparent and most, these days, have child protection policies. It’s true that much has been done, but there are still huge dangers.

“We’ve a very long way to go yet, says Trish Kearney. “We can only assess progress on where we were. And we were in the dark ages so we’re only coming into the light now.”

“A child in that situation (where they are being abused) isn’t going to tell. Gibney never had to tell me not to tell. I was so enmeshed in the abuse I couldn’t see a way out. Life has improved so much in terms of safety. Kids can tell school teachers these days. Who would have thought in those days of telling a teacher?”

But the issue of coercive control hasn’t gone away, she believes. The abuser can exert extraordinary power over their victim. “It was pretty horrendous for me,” says Trish. “But these days with mobile phones, tracking devices, nonstop texting and photos, I don’t know how people, never mind a child, can break free from coercive control. It must be incredibly difficult.”

While children may be more aware of the existence of sexual abuse than they were in the past, Trish warns that this can make them feel more guilty if they are a victim of it. “We need to be careful not to put the onus of guilt on a child. They’re told about it (sexual abuse) and that it’s wrong so if it happens to them, have they done something wrong?”

She is also deeply disappointed in the legal system’s attitude towards sexual crimes. “People can get suspended sentences, or concurrent sentences, or one and a half years. It just seems that for what a victim goes through, the court system seems to think that just naming the abuser as guilty is punishment enough.”

 “Even in our case, if Gibney was brought back (from the US), what would he get? I don’t know. He might get time off for his age if he pleaded guilty,” she says.

She points to a rape trial in Belfast in 2018 where the victim was cross examined for three days. “In court you’re not a survivor, or a victim. In the court you’re someone who has to prove your case. The onus of proof is still on us. Of course, you have to allow a person to be innocent until proven guilty. But you can’t be guilty just for bringing the crime forward to court.”