The Happiness Code

Physician and wellbeing guru Dr Eileen Forrestal says the key to surviving and thriving lockdown lies in the power of positivity and the art of being selfish  

I’m basically quite a selfish person. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. 

And I really want to do the stuff that makes me happy. More importantly, I simply want to be happy. 

How often do we hear:

‘Happiness is an inside job”

“Happiness is not something you find, it’s something you bring”

“Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket” 

I am one of the people who is quite happy in lockdown. And being happy, I’m happily doing stuff, stuff I actually want to do, and enjoy doing, now I have the time to do it, and that’s making me even happier! Is that strange? 

For me, there are four components to happiness, each of which are available to all of us. : Acceptance, Gratitude, Connection and Contribution.

Accepting a situation brings a certain peace. Arguing with what’s happening doesn’t change what’s happening. I accept that this past year has been very tough on a lot of people. Living through a pandemic is very upsetting. No one has been left unscathed. I accept that those trying to guide us are doing their best. Acceptance in the face of uncertainty requires trust and courage. In my experience, those who can accept a situation will find it much easier to deal with it, than those who fight against it. I like an easy life. There’s a lot more time to play when we give up arguing with life. 

And then there’s Gratitude. 

We cannot be grateful and unhappy at the same time. No matter how bad things get, there is always something, or someone, to be grateful for. 

I spend a lot of time collecting quotes for the Get Up and Go Diaries. I am grateful that my work requires me to read so much positive writing.  The more of these I read, the more I recognise the wisdom. I am particularly drawn to include the words of Nelson Mandela – who spent 27 years in prison, Anne Frank – who spent three years in an attic, Helen Keller who was blind, deaf and dumb, and Viktor Frankl who spent time in a concentration camp. We don’t remember  these people because they gave up. We know these people because they courageously triumphed over adversity. 

A positive mental attitude is not just a good idea. It’s vital for our health and wellbeing, especially during challenging times. Positive words are our best defence. They ‘immunise’ us against the disease of negativity. We know that if we feed our bodies too much junk food, we will get ill. By the same token, if we feed our minds too much junk, we will also suffer from disease of a different kind, a mental dis-ease. We need to nourish our minds with the good stuff, the fun stuff, the stuff that brings us joy. Allowing ourselves to be constantly bombarded with negative commentary, thoughts and words, is neither helpful nor healthy. 

I am grateful that I live in a comfortable home, in a beautiful place, with great broadband connection that allows me to ‘travel’ the world without leaving my kitchen table; that I have meaningful work that allows me to contribute and make a difference; that I have the unfailing adoration of an 8 year old Cocker Spaniel, who takes me on regular walks, so she can swim in her favourite lake; that I can ask for what I need, and I can share what I have learnt.  

Besides reading, writing and walking in lockdown I have been speaking and listening to people all over the world. I have connected with events in Las Vegas and Mumbai and Manchester and Melbourne. I’ve joined in with birthday parties and quiz nights and coffee mornings. I’ve attended conferences  and trainings that I would never have been able to attend personally. I have spoken with people in my ‘virtual’ world I would never have had the opportunity to meet in ‘real’ life. I have reached out to connect with others, some to support, some for help, and I have had the most wonderful, engaging, inspiring and enlightening conversations.  

If the quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our conversations, for me, these then are the magical ingredients. Deep meaningful conversations are great, but it’s important to have light, fun conversations too. Yes, I follow Social Media and the daily news, so I know what is happening in the wider world, (all the heavy stuff right now) but I only contribute something (including on Twitter) that I think will lift the conversation. My personal opinion is rarely of interest to others, and I see no cheese down the negativity tunnel – only maybe more stale cheese – so I add my voice only where I think I can contribute something positive. 

What do I do on the days I don’t want to get out of bed? 

Fortunately they are few and far between, however I have a little ritual: 

I always have a journal and a Get Up and Go Diary on my bedside locker. 

First I read what it says in my Diary (I wrote it, remember! so I feel I really need to take heed of my own words) 

If that doesn’t get me up, I stay in bed and write down all the reasons I don’t want to get up. 

Then I make a list of all the reasons that I could (should and would) get up for. 

After the first few, I hop out of bed and get on with my day. 

It’s not called The Get Up and Go Diary for nothing!! 

My top tips for staying positive and keep your inner light shining in these dark times:

1) Focus on what’s positive in the here and now. (Focus on your breathing!!) 

2) Accept that temporary restrictions on personal freedoms are for the collective good. 

3) Be grateful that you’re well. (I have worked in too many Intensive Care Units!!) 

4) Connect with people who are lifting others up. We all need to be inspired. 

5) Contribute to others wherever you can. Sometimes that’s just providing a listening ear. 

‘This too will pass’ 

Yes, happiness is an inside job. It is not something we find, it is something we bring. Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket. Unlock your own. Life is short. The best (and only) time to be happy is now!   

For further information about Eileen’s work getupandgodiary.com