Dear Mel...

Dear Mel,

Like many others, I took the plunge last year and got myself a pet dog. It was not an easy decision as until I was able to work remotely, I always worried about having to leave a pet at home alone. When it became clear that we would not be going back to the office for some time, it seemed the perfect opportunity. It has been a wonderful and enjoyable experience, vet bills aside, but we have settled into our routine now. One of my favourite things is going for a long walk on a local beach every morning. It sets me up for a day spent in my home office. One thing I had not anticipated is that when you get a dog, you become part of a community. I have made new friends, or more acquaintances really given that the topics are always about the pets and the weather. I seem to see the same people every day, people like me I suppose bound to a routine. I have been single for some time and live alone, happily, so not looking for a relationship. However, I see this man every day and initially conversation was just limited to a greeting and a comment or two on the weather but after months of this, we have started walking our dogs together, it seemed to happen naturally. We have talked about our pets exhaustively so eventually we had to talk about ourselves. Getting to know him has been the best thing (after my dog) to happen to me in a long time. I look forward to seeing him and we have spoken so much about our lives, our families, work, real stuff. I believe we get on well because we share the same values, we have led quite similar lives. We are roughly the same age. There has been a bit of flirting and we have exchanged phone numbers though we have not actually used them to communicate. I suppose there has been no reason to as we practically meet every day. If I have to change time or location, I will have told him. I sometime think if I did not show up, would he care? I do not want to play games or create unnecessary drama just to get his attention. The problem is, I really like him, and I think he likes me. It’s worse than being a teenager and we do not have a go-between best pal to tell each other ‘my friend likes your friend’. How does it work these days? He is such a nice person and extremely attractive. Even our dogs get on!  I am very much out of practice! It would be super awkward if I told him, I have feelings for him and be rebuffed. I would have to find another walk and I like this one. Also, I would not want to start something with someone intimately unless I know they don’t have Covid. How do you ask someone to get a test so you can kiss them? I know he shares custody of his two children, and they stay with him every weekend. We are living in strange times and I have no idea how to navigate this. Any advice is welcome as I do not know how to proceed or even if I should.  

Susie, Co. Cork 

Dear Susie,

I am so glad you took the plunge and got a pet and especially a dog as they are wonderful companions. It is so important generally but especially in these times, good for your physical fitness and your head. There is no greater love than the one you have for and from a dog.  I am happy to hear it changed your life up so much and has resulted in you meeting new people. Having a dog means you must get out no matter the weather and meeting people in such a natural environment facilitates friendships. People feel less inclined to hide behind social niceties when they must stop and pick up dog poo, it is wonderfully levelling. Putting your dog out there is one thing and putting yourself out there is another thing entirely.  This can leave you feeling vulnerable, and I think you do feel like that. It’s wonderful that you have clicked with this man on some level be it friendship or romance. I would just ask you to stop for a moment and ask yourself ‘what is the hurry in trying to progress it?’.  He is not going anywhere. We may have less than a month to go before hospitality reopens properly. You could use that time to find out what he likes doing socially, cinema, theatre, eating out? He might even suggest you and him meeting socially nearer to that time if you introduce these topics. I feel you are hoping he will make that suggestion rather than you having to be the one to do it. He might be shy, lots of people are. He might not realise you like him enough to meet him socially and this is where you need to be open with him. Find a way to let him know you would be receptive to seeing him in a social setting. There is the possibility of course that he does not see you romantically. If you feel very strongly about asking him out, then I think you should.  Opening ourselves up to new experiences and new people and relationships is scary and I feel you have been very brave. You could make one braver move and suggest you and he meet for a drink when lockdown is over? A drink invitation on neutral ground can mean friendship or romance so you are not committing yourself.  If he declines, well then you just carry on as you are. What I would say is he seems to enjoy your company and being with you and that is a good indication.  It sounds like a good friendship at the very least and you can never have too many of those. I really hope it works out well for you. I am sure I and all our wonderful readers would love to know and are backing you all the way. 

Best wishes, Mel. 

Over to you. What do you think Susie should do? As always, if you have a problem for Mel then email her at womansway@harmonia.ie