Style Confidence

Julie Cobbe shares her experience as a style connection coach, helping women find their identity through clothing, along with some top tips on how to build up your wardrobe.

When I was 16, I harassed my mum into letting me go to my local hair salon and dye my hair. She was unconvinced and said I was too young to be changing my hair and I would regret it. I think I was simply too much of a dramatic teenager for her to deny, “Everybody is doing it mum.” And so, a hair journey ensued. One that lasted over 10 years. Dying, roots, repeat. I had been well and truly indoctrinated into one of society’s many preferred grooming traditions that are hard to roll back from: After all, blonds have more fun.

Over time, you get used to this new version of yourself. Convince yourself that it is the ‘better’ version. But what came with my golden locks was also an undertone of having to change something in order to feel better about myself. On the positive side, you are plugging into the freedom it gives you to be someone else, someone new. The same can be said for that time I went horse riding wearing a pair of spice girl platform runners, which I have yet to live down. Maybe it is a cliché of girlhood, to try on different faces until settling into the weight of your own? Or maybe you have to try out different versions of yourself in order to figure out who you are meant to be? 

Either way, I have learned a lot since those days. I have been working for 10 years now, as a style coach and teacher, eager to delve much deeper into the ‘whys’ and passionate about helping women to have a style they love (and perhaps to stop any more spice girl runner incidents). Just like in any career, most of the really important lessons have come from working in the fashion trenches. On meeting and teaching beautiful, smart, funny women, I was seeing that about 90% felt that in order to have a style they truly loved and felt connected to, they had to change something about themselves – their weight, their hair, their makeup, their wardrobe. 

It fascinated me.

The more I worked with women, the bigger and deeper the need built within me to try to find a better way for me and for the women I was meeting. It sounds crazy when you say it out loud – ‘I was trying hard to be myself’, but the realities of the fashion industry are such that it tries hard to make us want to change all the time. 

I realised quickly it would be a slow process, a sort of unlearning and learning. I began to grow my blond hair out. I figured it was the biggest thing I could do to truly be myself and shock my system to see how it felt. It took me 2 years. The process completely changed my relationship with both my clothes and make-up. Slowly but profoundly I realised that a feeling of simplicity and effortlessness was important to me. More important than dying my hair. 

I also realised during the process that I was much more passionate about skincare than make-up – again through a process of trying out different approaches to both. Back to a feeling of simplicity being core to me. My relationship with print and colour also completely changed as I became more confident in the values I held for how my clothes needed to feel.

The process was slow, the work was at times hard (more than once I made and cancelled hairdressers appointments). Like all change, it brought up many feelings but I cannot tell you how liberating it is now to do something simple like wear my favourite pared-back high waisted black trousers from COS with a pair of crisp white trainers on a stage or in a class and feel both stylish AND like myself. 

I want to share the thoughts and ideas that helped me to tune into myself during my process of change.

Stop worrying about others and focus on yourself

While dressing to impress others is important, the effects of clothing go much deeper than that, as research shows that people prefer to make a positive impact on themselves, rather than trying to impress others. You are doing this for yourself! Start to make a list of your go-to outfits from your current wardrobe. What do you gravitate towards? Relaxed and preppy? Smart and tailored? You are starting to hone your style personality. When you make conscious wardrobe and lifestyle choices that honour what’s really important, you lock into what author and coach Martha Beck calls your ‘North Star’, your personal place of authenticity. In this case, with your style.

Think of your clothes as the family you choose for yourself

Once you gather the words you want to use to describe your style, you are finding your flow of looking only for ‘comfort and simplicity’ or ‘creative and individual’, as you curate your wardrobe. You will see how your clothes begin to all feel like they have this common thread that weaves them together. 

To colour or not?

There are many schools of thought around colour – finding out what suits us and what doesn’t. I have tried them all and the one that I connected to most is what I was taught in fashion feng shui. Fashion Feng Shui again asks us to tune into the things that matter to us in our clothes. It then assigns us with an ‘elemental archetype’ (kind of like a zodiac sign), which uncovers the colours and styles you will be most drawn to based on your personality. This is a subject I recommend a deep dive into for a fascinating look at your style tendencies.

Edit all the time

One in, one out. If I add something new, I try to rehome one other item. I think of my wardrobe as a limited edition collection, just as you would see in your favourite store. Everything I add must bring something special to the collection and it must feel like everything makes sense together. This discipline means you really care for what you own and begin to think much more deeply before buying.

Slow it down

My 20’s taught me valuable style lessons – an impulse purchase rarely becomes a wardrobe staple. A recent trench coat find had been the result of a months-long daydream about what I wanted. I searched second-hand sites regularly before I found the perfect item, on the clothes swapping Instagram page Minari and I rehomed an item I no longer wore in the process. So I’m letting my impulses simmer because I know that the result will be better in the long run.

Think ahead

When in doubt about buying a piece, I picture myself getting older in it – in three years or five or ten years. It’s okay to change your style as your life changes, but I do get excited thinking about the long-term life of an item in my closet. 

I also find it helpful to follow older women on Instagram whose style I admire. Especially now that I have my natural hair colour and I’m considering rocking my natural grey. So, I specifically follow two ladies who both happen to look a lot like they’d be related to me and have taken that path with their hair, and they are rocking it! When I’m feeling sartorially stuck, I scroll through their looks and I’m energized by their approach and creativity.

There you have it! 

Maybe having read this you will look at your own wardrobe and realize that you have created a style plan without knowing,  or maybe like me; with courage, self-love, and thoughtfulness—you will begin a new journey with your style and embrace the ‘you’ were always meant to be. WW