The Keys to Confidence

Confidence thankfully is something we can all achieve if someone shows us how. A lack of confidence when you’re young, can be turned around, says Una Rice. Here’s how to ace your space

We often think about giving the young people in our lives the keys to the car, but wouldn’t it be great if we could give them the keys to confidence just as easily?

For some, confidence seems to be that elusive thing. We can see confidence in other people, so we recognize it, but sometimes it’s just a bit more difficult to kickstart and bring out in ourselves.

And while it’s heartwarming as a parent to cheer on younger kids – to climb that tree, race after that ball, or join in like a pro, at a certain age, all the cajoling and encouragement won’t work.

When there’s a young person suffering with lowered confidence, it can become difficult to try and convince them how brilliant and beautiful and able they are. 

Mark Twain once said: ‘A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.’ And today that saying still holds truth, for men, women and young people. 

Seeking approval from oneself first, is clouded these days however, as we live in a world where our senses are bombarded with the idea of success, brilliance and beauty. It’s no wonder, young people, who are the purveyors of social media, can suffer with crippling low confidence, due to the subliminal messages about so called ‘perfection.’ 

In a world that’s very materialistic, seeking approval through having the latest, the most expensive or the best, can feel like a boost. It seems hollow, but these can be important to young people. It helps them feel validated.

Lowered confidence manifests in all sorts of ways, from the young guy taking steroids to build up his frame, to a young girl opting out of joining a club because none of her peer group play anymore. 

In addition, studies have shown that girls in particular can be prone to a drop in confidence around the time of puberty, not to mention the monthly cycle of hormones that can literally create a rollercoaster in how they view themselves.  That’s even before we consider sports, and how girls have been found to be vastly more likely to drop away from sports than their male counterparts.

How to cultivate confidence

Channel your champion

It’s a bit like fake it until you make it. When you’ve got a scary or intimidating situation, just think about the hero who does messy hair/don’t care attitudes with ease, or who dances and performs with abandon. Literally feel what the energy of that person is like and pay attention to how your body responds. How would that person move into a room, approach a group of people, or do something outside of their comfort zone?

Be authentic

If you’re ever wondered how someone so seamlessly speaks their mind, has their view but yet doesn’t take over, is happy and able to include others and value everyone’s contributions, you’re looking at someone who is confident because they are authentic. They are literally tapping into something deeply inside themselves that says, ‘‘The person who I am inside is good – I like that person!’’

Take one big, bold, brave step

While taking up a new sport, approaching a group of people, speaking in public can all feel terrifying, especially when they are new and not attempted before, these are the steps that push you out of your comfort zone and can kickstart confidence. The before feeling and the afterwards feeling are very different. 

Please fail every so often

We’ve been conditioned to see failure as something that’s bad, but actually failure is good – it means you tried, and that means you grew. It means you learned something. And how awful not to have at least tried. 

Keep a journal

Journaling can be a useful way to hold yourself to account when you’re working on your own confidence. Here, you can privately set goals and then reflect on what worked and didn’t, plus improvements. It really is your confidence buddy.

So, who oozes confidence? 

Sinead Burke: The disability advocate and influencer moves and inspires wherever she goes with her amazing smile, inspiring messages and confidence shining through like armour. She once said, ‘‘I’m very confident and happy to stay being me.’’

Rebel Wilson: Even before her dramatic weight loss, the actress had a sort of ‘don’t really care what anyone thinks’ attitude and it made her so magnetic. She proved you can be any shape and size and be magnificent, funny, happy, charming and interesting. 

Denise Chaila: Such a passion comes through in the singer songwriter’s material and energetic performances, not to mention a dazzling confident smile. Chaila makes you want to pursue your own passion – especially if it brings you that much happiness.

Jesy Nelson: When the singer announced her exit from the band Little Mix, she showed enormous courage. Knowing what’s ‘right’ for you, especially when you want to protect your precious mental health first, oozes confidence. Sometimes walking away is the answer.

Quicksteps to confidence. Try these ten tips to kickstart confidence:

Be aware of how you hold yourself. If shoulders are stooped, lift them up and back. Raise your chin.

Start saying ‘‘No’’ when something displeases you, rather than going along with it.

Look in the mirror. Observe everything, including what you see as flawed or imperfect, breathe deeply and say, ‘‘I love you regardless.’’

Sign up for at least a month of a trial of an activity you’ve shied away from; whether it’s swimming, football, or kick-boxing. 

Volunteer where you need to talk to people. Try charity shop work where you need to engage with members of the public.

Do something useful within your community. Organize a tidy up or a free event for elderly residents.

Watch Ted talks online and see how people come across when they talk to groups on various topics.

Now go a step further by joining a local group like toastmasters to gain confidence talking with groups.

Do something that makes you squirm at first to think about it – interrupt a group of people to ask for directions or go a week without make up.

Read confidence quotes every morning before you get out of bed. You are literally priming yourself for the day ahead.