It’s not as simple as saying those two little words and we all know when it is heartfelt and when it is not. Here’s how to say ‘I’m Sorry’ and really mean it.

Saying sorry can be one of the hardest things to do, but if you’ve hurt someone and you regret it, it’s important to take responsibility and try to repair the damage caused.

It’s something US model Chrissy Teigen recently posted about, breaking a month-long social media silence to share a lengthy apology for sending hurtful tweets in the past.

“There is simply no excuse for my past horrible tweets,” wrote Teigen, who has 35 million Instagram followers. “I was a troll, full stop. And I am so sorry.”

“I took to Twitter to try to gain attention and show off what I at the time believed was a crude, clever, harmless quip. I thought it made me cool and relatable if I poked fun at celebrities,” she continued.

“In reality, I was insecure, immature and in a world where I thought I needed to impress strangers to be accepted,” Teigen added.

No matter the gravity of the situation, sometimes nothing diffuses a disagreement faster than saying “I’m sorry”, but messing up your apology can make things worse. Here are some quick tips for getting it right…

1. Be authentic

Apologising is all about acknowledging you’re wrong and expressing regret for the specific actions you took that hurt the other person.

It’s tempting to rush into saying ‘sorry’ to avoid conflict in the heat of the moment, but the process should take a degree of introspection on your part.

“Only say sorry if you really mean it,” says life coach and mentor Natalie Trice (natalietrice.co.uk). “If you aren’t sorry, or don’t think it was your fault, it’s going to be hard to make any apology feel real and authentic.”

Plus, if you don’t take the time to apologise sincerely, Trice says it can risk damaging the relationship even more: “Saying a casual ‘sorry’ could get you into more trouble.”

2. Don’t shift the blame

Saying something vague like, ‘I’m sorry if you were offended by something I said’ is one of the most frustrating apologies you can give. At its essence, it suggests that the hurt feelings were an overreaction from the other party, and that you aren’t to blame for what happened.

“If you want to clear the air, stay away from, ‘I know I upset you, but…’ phrases,” stresses Trice. “Say sorry because you mean it and don’t add another layer of blame or guilt to the issue.”

3. Take responsibility

Apologising is hard because it means admitting you were wrong. Being specific in your apology, explaining how and why it happened, is an important step in reassuring the other person that the mistake won’t occur again.

In her latest blog post, Teigen said she was privately reaching out to people she’d insulted in the past, though she did not give details of who.

“Taking responsibility is key to making up with someone, because it shows them you’re acknowledging the mistake you made and taking ownership,” says Trice.

“Something as simple as, ‘When I said what I did, I wasn’t thinking, but I know I’ve hurt you and I’m sorry’, will make it clear that you regret the pain it has caused them.”

4. Find the best solution

Apologising with sincerity is important, but in some cases, action might be more effective.

“If you broke something, make sure to take the time and effort to replace it,” says Trice. Offering a kind and selfless gesture, like sending a bouquet of flowers or giving up your time to help out the person, can also help to heal the rift.

“If you broke their trust, really look at what you can do to rebuild it. Don’t pester them by asking what you can do; show it in your actions instead,” says Trice. “This might take time, but if they are hurt and the relationship is important to you, you need to put the work in.”

5. Don’t expect forgiveness straight away.

Getting the relationship back on track might take time, and your apology could be rejected.

One of the most important parts of an apology is to stand firm in your regret over time. If someone isn’t keen to make amends straight away, don’t undo all your good healing work by withdrawing the apology in anger.

“It can be difficult, but don’t expect the other person to forgive and forget. If your actions were truly damaging, they may not want to know, or it could take time,” says Trice.

James Evans of Vensa Coaching (vensacoaching.co.uk), a public speaking coaching agency says: “A good apology should generally do three things: firstly, acknowledge what you’ve done and the pain you’ve caused. Secondly, show genuine contrition or remorse. And thirdly, pledge to do better in the future.”

Trice adds: “Saying sorry and meaning it is going to be the first step ahead, however hard that might feel.”

Elton John had it right when he sang “Sorry seems to be the hardest word” back in 1976. Politicians, celebrities and global corporations really struggle with those two little words. And maybe we do too at times. Here are some memorable epic apologies. 

Enda Kenny

In an emotional speech opening the Dáil debate on the McAleese report, he said: "This is a national shame for which I say again I am deeply sorry and offer my full and heartfelt apologies."

 "I, as Taoiseach, on behalf of this State, the Government and our citizens, deeply regret and apologise unreservedly to all those women for the hurt that was done to them, for any stigma they suffered as a result of the time they spent in the Magdalene laundry."

Lance Armstrong

Oprah Winfrey interviewed former champion cyclist Lance Armstrong over allegations of  using performance-enhancing drugs throughout his career. He confessed during the interview but was perhaps less fulsome with his apology than some would want.

“I'll spend the rest of my life trying to earn back trust and apologize to people,” he said.

Bill Clinton

On Aug. 17, 1998, during a White House address to the nation, the former president Bill Clinton finally admitted to having a sexual relationship with his intern Monica Lewinsky.

"Indeed I did have a relationship with Miss Lewinsky that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong ... I misled people, including even my wife. I deeply regret that."

However, he tried to suppress further discussion about the scandal by stating that "even Presidents have private lives." The second presidential impeachment in U.S. history followed and he had to apologise at least half a dozen times more for the affair.

Hugh Grant

Back in 1995 Hugh Grant  was arrested after hooking up with Hollywood sex worker Divine Brown. He kept it short and to the point when he told Jay Leno on ‘The Tonight Show’: “You know in life what’s a good thing to do and what's a bad thing, and I did a bad thing. And there you have it”. 

He pleaded no contest to the charges against him, paid a fine and received probation.

Tiger Woods

In 2009, Tiger Woods became the subject of global headlines and it had nothing to do with golf. When news broke that he had been involved in several extramarital affairs he kept a low profile for some months but in February 2010 he held a press conference and apologies.

“I was unfaithful... I had affairs. I cheated. What I did was not acceptable, and I am the only person to blame.

“I have let my family down, and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect.”

PwC Oscars Fiasco

Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty walk on stage to announce the best picture win at the Oscars in 2017 and what happened next was the most extraordinary and embarrassing moment in the history of the awards. The wrong film, La La Land, was named the Best Picture winner, instead of the actual winner, Moonlight. The blame lay firmly at the door of PwC, which was responsible for counting the votes. PwC admitted that the wrong envelope was handed over by and apologised.

“PwC takes full responsibility for the series of mistakes and breaches of established protocols during last night’s Oscars,” the company said in a statement.

PwC also apologised to Warren Beatty, Faye Dunaway, the cast and crew of La La Land and Moonlight, the Academy, and host Jimmy Kimmel.

“We wish to extend our deepest gratitude to each of them for the graciousness they displayed during such a difficult moment”.