Love After 50
Being a bride in your 50s is not that unusual these days, as Carissa Casey discovers.
By the time you read this I will, hopefully, be a married woman. (I say ‘hopefully’ because the Omicron variant has reared its ugly noggin).
Up until we announced the wedding, I thought being a bride in your 50s would be unusual. Not so, I quickly found out.
Within a few weeks, an old school friend announced she was going to tie the knot in 2022. And then I heard another acquaintance was about to get hitched.
A wedding hat trick of 50-something women, all finding love and commitment at an age when we’re so often told we’re ‘invisible’. Yeah, right!
Most women in their 50s of my acquaintance say they are more confident than they have ever been. The angst of youth is well and truly over. We’ve had our setbacks and discovered that we can survive them, and life really does go on. Many of us have lost people we loved far too soon and have come to the understanding that what time we have on this earth is precious and should be enjoyed, every delicious (and sometimes unpleasant) minute of it.
DO IT FOR YOU
I know Debbie Byrne through my local (and favourite ever) gym.
She’s a mother of three, grandmother of four, and strolled up the aisle a few weeks ago to marry her beloved Gary. “It just felt right,” she says of her decision to marry. “I think the last time I did it because it was expected of me, this time I wanted to get married.”
And that’s the lovely thing about being a bride in your 50s. You’re doing it for you and the person you love.
About 20,000 marriages take place in Ireland every year and the average age of couples has been steadily increasing, according to the Central Statistics office. Most people are in their mid to late 30s when they tie the knot. Divorces have also been on the increase. In 2020 there were more than 5,000 applications and just over 3,000 divorce orders made. This means there are plenty of older single people out there and not all of them have been turned off marriage for life.
FINDING LOVE
I met Alan on a night out with pals. We clicked pretty quickly, sharing an off -beat sense of humour and a none-too- serious approach to life in general. I remember laughing a lot during those early days. When I told my niece that we were about to celebrate our fourth anniversary, she thought I meant four months. “Ah no, four weeks,” I said with a grin. We’ve now into our sixth year together and he still makes me laugh.
Debbie met Gary in her local pub. He would say hello to her when she came in and then started adding, “so when are we going for a drink then?”
“I thought he was only joking,” says Debbie, “and then I realised, God he’s serious.” Three years later he was down on one knee with a “fabulous” ring in his hand. He’s kind, thoughtful and genuine, she tells me, so what else could she say?
WEDDING PLANS
My wedding to Alan is going to be exactly how we like it, unfussy and fun. That said, I’m finding it hard to make a stand against the marital industrial complex. We thought we might get away without making a table plan but that proved to be “non-negotiable” with the venue. I thought I’d skip the bouquet (I don’t think it would work with the dress) but I woke up early this morning with a vague sense of anxiety about walking up the aisle with nothing in my hands. I expect between now and D-Day, there’ll be lots of other stuff I’ll change my mind about.
My mammy will be giving me away and there’s a family band put together to do the music for the ceremony. My oldest brother is doing the photography and I’ve already told him I only want three formal photographs – one of our family, one of Alan’s and one of everyone at the wedding.
Neither Alan nor I particularly like getting photos taken so we’ll just see how that goes. I don’t want to spend half the day posing and smiling when there’s fun to be had with the guests.
Debbie’s plans for a simple, small wedding “escalated” into a full-on hotel wedding (I know the feeling). She didn’t have a formal photographer either but her sister-in-law did a fine job of capturing the magic of the day. There was lots of music and two days of revelry. I kept hearing reports about how relaxed she was in advance of the big day.
“I wasn’t nervous at all,” she confirms. “Until I had to walk up the aisle. Then my legs went to jelly.”
We agreed that 50-something brides are the anti-bridezillas. We just want everyone to come along and have a good time.
HITCHED HITCHES
Call me crazy, but when we booked the wedding, I imagined myself belting out a medley of my favourite songs at two in the morning in the bar. Such a treat is, sadly, not to be, because the chances of a bar extension are slim to none. Indeed, everyone I speak to these days has a different opinion as to whether the wedding will even go ahead. Covid has caused havoc with far more serious matters than wedding plans. If mine has to be postponed so be it. I might even get around to losing that half stone I’ve been planning on losing since we fixed the wedding date.
A FINAL WORD
As well as there being plenty of older fish in the sea these days, relationships are a different kettle to what you might have experienced when you were younger, Debbie and I both agree.
Right from the start Alan and I decided that whatever happened between us, we weren’t going to mess each other around. Mind games and manipulations are best left to the 20-somethings of this world. You’re far too smart for that type of carry if you’ve survived for half a century. “What I’ve realised is that the wrong person drags you down,” says Debbie.
“Once you get over that, you start living life your way and you feel so much stronger. Bad relationships just make you stronger.”
So, whatever your age and whatever your relationship history, don’t be fooled into thinking that love is only for the young.
Enjoy your life and, if you’re single, don’t be too surprised if you meet someone special in 2022.