Be Kind
Want to feel better in mind and body and enjoy a long happy life? Dr Mark Rowe prescribes ‘kindfulness’, which is now scientifically proven to dramatically improve our wellbeing. Here, he explains why.
There is an age-old golden rule – to treat others as you would like to be treated. By keeping your word, honouring your commitments and reaching out to support others, it comes back to you in many different ways. I can testify to the veracity of this golden rule in my own life and in the lives of the many others that I have been privileged to witness and support as a medical doctor.
For me, kindfulness – the simple expression of unconditional kindness through your everyday choices and actions without expecting anything in return – is the essence of this golden rule. Kindfulness in thought cultivates compassion, while kindfulness in word creates confidence.
Of course, by its very nature, kindfulness is an action. It’s something you do, unlike many other positive emotions which are simply feelings that are experienced. Kindfulness is moving from being self-centred to other-centred, in a spirit of helpfulness. True kindfulness is unconditional and not done out of self-interest or to curry favour.
When you put yourself in other people’s shoes and see people as ‘other selves’ rather than ‘others’, your sense of purpose and meaning can be enhanced. As an action, kindfulness boosts attentive awareness which builds trust and connection between two parties.
The busyness and, at times, frenetic nature of modern life can discourage people from being kind to others.
Many people become consumed by materialism and caught up in their own lives. Furthermore, a scarcity mentality and self-centred notions of entitlement and expectancy can result in kindness being viewed as a sign of weakness rather than strength of character.
Kindness is a well-recognised character strength and is listed among the commonest reported strengths for many people. In fact, this propensity for kindness is hardwired in your DNA and highlighted by Darwin in his book Descent of Man as being a necessary component of evolutionary success.
THE SCIENCE OF KINDFULNESS
Kindfulness stimulates those brain networks that are involved in reward.
This happens whether you perform or simply witness a kind act, in person or even online. Furthermore, even thinking about or imagining being kind and compassionate activates the connection and comfort components of the brain’s emotional regulation system.
Just as weight training builds your physical muscles, the habit of kindfulness can build the ‘compassion muscle’ in the brain, enabling you to respond with more empathy to the suffering of others. FMRI scans have also found that feelings of kindness and compassion change the prefrontal cortex.
Because of the principle of neuroplasticity, the brain can create new connections as cells that repeatedly fire together wire together. In this way, kindfulness can become an effortless practice over time.
In terms of the neurobiology of kindfulness (what goes on within the brain itself), it brings about a series of hormonal and neurochemical changes that help to buffer you from stress.
Dr Mark Rowe
Firstly, levels of stress hormones such as cortisol can reduce by more than 20 per cent, reducing feelings of toxic stress, tension or hostility. Secondly, compassion stimulates the vagus nerve, which controls the inflammation reflex and the body’s relaxation response, known medically as the parasympathetic nervous system (the yang to the yin of toxic stress). Activating this system helps you recharge from stress. Thirdly, kindfulness enhances positive biochemical responses by increasing the levels of several brain neurochemicals which create feelings of warmth, connection and closeness. These include an increase in DOSE – dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins. Dopamine increases, because being kind to another person can light up the brain’s pleasure and reward centre the same amount as if you were the recipient of the good deed and not the giver (the helper’s high).
Oxytocin enhances feelings of trust, empathy and calm. It supports self-esteem and lowers anxiety, providing a natural counterbalance to toxic stress. Oxytocin also supports a stronger immune system and micro-moments of positivity, which are helpful to counteract the busyness and stress of modern living. Hormones like oxytocin make you feel more relaxed and connected to others. Oxytocin reduces inflammation and stress in immune cells and releases nitric oxide, which is cardioprotective, lowering blood pressure and improving heart health. It can also boost endurance by supporting your muscles. Finally, oxytocin, by building connection, makes you far more likely to pay kindness forward.
Serotonin calms you down, supporting feelings of confidence, positivity and happiness. It supports learning, memory and brain function. Endorphins are natural painkillers, like a micro-shot of morphine, which in addition enable you to feel more calm, energised and optimistic.
BENEFITS OF KINDFULNESS
One of the really interesting things about kindfulness is its threefold impact. Kindfulness impacts, firstly, the doer (the giver), secondly, the recipient of kindfulness and thirdly, the person who witnesses the act of kindfulness.
Sense of self: One of the more interesting benefits of kindness is that it’s not possible to help someone else without also helping yourself from a health and holistic wellbeing perspective. Kindfulness strengthens your sense of self, supporting self-control, self-worth and self-esteem, simply helping to bring out the best in you. You see yourself as being more caring, compassionate and considerate of others. Kindfulness encourages you to be more open and future-oriented, feeling better and more confident about your own intrinsic good nature. As such, being more kind can be a great way to boost life satisfaction.
Physical health: Research by sociologist Dr Christine Carter – detailed in her book Raising Happiness – shows that kindfulness can boost your energy, so you feel stronger, with fewer aches and pains. Kindfulness can be good for your physical health, perhaps because of its impact on your vagus nerve, which influences the body’s relaxation response. What I mean by this is that if you want to look after your heart, live more from your heart.
Kindfulness can also reduce cognitive impairment in later life and boost longevity. Carter also found that people aged over 55 years of age who volunteer for at least two organisations have a 20–40 per cent reduced likelihood of dying early.
This effect of kindfulness on longevity was stronger than exercising four times a week or going to church. Being kind boosts levels of secretory immunoglobulin A, an important immune system antibody. This effect in the immune system is seen whether you are being kind or simply watching kindness – because the immune-boosting benefit is from the result of how kindness feels. By contrast, toxic stress suppresses your immune system irrespective of whether you are experiencing it directly or watching it.
Mental health: Kindfulness can support positive mental health. It can help to build resilience and realistic optimism as protective buffers against toxic stress. It can reduce feelings of anxiety and may have some protective benefits against depression. Kindfulness boosts hope and feelings of being helpful, counteracting the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that may be seen as part of the spectrum of anxiety and depression.
Research in British Columbia whereby highly anxious individuals were asked to do six acts of kindness each week for a month found that they experienced a boost in mood and relationship satisfaction, and socially anxious people showed less social avoidance.
Mindset: Kindfulness can boost cognitive performance, focus and attentive awareness. It builds trust as you become a catalyst for positive change. Kindfulness can change your worldview, seeing the world as a more generous and caring place. You can become calmer, less reactive and more responsive. As you develop more perspective, you can see challenges in a more realistic light; better able to see both the wood and the trees!
Emotional vitality: Kindfulness boosts the positivity of your emotional bank account and, as an important human strength, increases subjective wellbeing. Choosing to become kinder and more compassionate can be a great way to feel happier. A 2010 Harvard Business School survey of more than one hundred countries showed that the most financially generous and charitable societies had the happiest people overall. Kindfulness can bring on a helper’s high: an initial feeling of euphoria and positive emotions followed by a longer period of emotional wellbeing and contentment following selfless service to others. It is thought to produce enough endorphins to have the same mental effect as a mild morphine high! Kindness allows you to feel more grateful and appreciative for what and who you already have in your life, creating an upward spiral of happiness and wellbeing. Knowing you are helping or supporting someone else enhances your own feelings of gratitude. As little as seven consecutive days of kindness can boost your happiness with the degree of uplift in your happiness directly related to the number of kind acts you perform.
Relationships: Kindfulness satisfies a core human need for strong connection. It is a terrific way to boost your relationships as you are perceived as being nicer to be around and seen in a more positive light. It strengthens social ties and sense of community connection, creating more positive social interactions and opportunities to make new friends. In fact, it can be a great way to counter feelings of isolation and loneliness. At a basic level, choosing kindfulness is acknowledging the humanity of another person by saying to them ‘You matter!’ Being kinder and more connected to others opens your heart, building empathy, tolerance and compassion. It facilitates shared humanity and fosters humility. Experiencing acts of kindness enables the recipient to feel more appreciated, boosting their self-worth. In organisations, kindness as a cultural value can boost staff retention and enhance productivity. In fact, choosing to be kind to someone else is a great example of what I call the power of small – how a small gesture of kindness can make a big difference to someone else.
Spiritual vitality: Kindfulness taps into something deep inside of you, a sense of doing the right thing. Through giving people a strong sense that they are doing something that matters, this connects to values, sense of purpose and meaning. Both givers and recipients of kindness can experience a sense of awe when they think about profound acts of kindness or compassion.