Why kindness is key

Full disclosure: I have a lot of time for Laura Woods. There is so much to like about the broadcaster – and having tea and scones with her, then a perusal around Dealz (we are cut from the same cloth, no doubt) on a sunny Tuesday only reiterated my view. With two decades experience in broadcasting, Laura, one of the Ireland AM presenters, chats about family, kindness and working in her pyjamas. What did I tell you – our kind of woman!

We start by chatting about her being an only child, something about which I can identify, and our conversation turns to being an adult only child.

“The landscape has changed in terms of the family dynamic in this country in the last 20 years with the church sort of releasing its grip on people,” she says. “The traditional nuclear family would have existed in the 1980s when I was brought up, to now there’s an awful lot more only children now and children from all sorts of different types of families which I think it actually very healthy. I see it in my sons, it challenges their idea of what a family should be. Because it is really what a family is, and that’s it.

“I was the only only child in my school year. There would have been seventy plus girls and I was the only one. it didn’t remotely phase it and I don’t think it does when you’re a child  because you’re a complete narcissist and you don’t care about anyone else’s family. From what I could see, lots of my friends hated their little brothers anyway so I had gotten away without having one.”

The bond with her parents is strong, she says.

“Your relationship changes as you grow into adulthood, which I imagine it does when you’ve got siblings, but it is on you to maintain their relationship. You don’t have that other person to fill you in on how your mum is doing or to help out if something needs a bit of attention in the home. I feel that pressure; not from my parents, they are very independent people who would be horrified at the thought of people thinking they need help with anything, because they don’t.

“We’re very lucky and certainly there is a very close bond there, I will talk to them all the time. We go out regularly together and I’m really happy that we have that bond. I can’t say that that’s because I’m an only child or not but I do always have that sort of subconscious realisation that I need to check in.

“There’s nothing more lovely than being in a big family, I would imagine,” continues Laura, “but even big families have their issues, small families have their issues, so you work with what you’re given. I have to say seeing my parents with my two sons is just gorgeous. It’s a completely different dynamic. They’ll call over with an ice pop five minutes before dinner, which never would have happened when I was a child. It is lovely that they have a very close bond with their grandparents.”

Like many only children, Laura is ‘very lucky’ to have a close group of girlfriends whom she met aged four and aged 12.

“We’re still friends until this day. There’s 12 of us going to Marrakech at the end of the year together,” she says.

We talk about female friendship being ‘a strong bond,’ and one that she holds very close to her heart.

“You meet other friends along the way – in college or in work – and those friendships completely enrich your lives, but they’re different because you’ve made them at a different point in your life. Your friends you’ve had from when you’re very young, I would imagine it’s the closest thing to siblings as you can have, because they just know you. And these days, you may not have necessarily have everything in common with them as you would your colleagues but they’re there.

“The last ten years have been focused on careers or families, and now because we’re settled into this plateau for the next few years, we’re anchored to wherever we are for our jobs or families, we have that time to dedicate to each other. Be it three years a night going away, in Ireland or further afield, it’s lovely, it’s really lovely. It’s a cacophony of catch up chat, of news and fun and then you go away feeling satisfied that you got your fix.”

Be kind

The word ‘kindness’ seems to penetrate many conversations these days and, back in 2013, Laura said to WW that it was the quality she wanted her sons Ben and Alex to understand.

“It still is, very much so,” she says. “That would be forefront on our minds. I suppose for many parents, especially now and with social media. My children are nine and six so they’re not there yet but it’s not something we can ignore. The dawn of technology brings so many opportunities and the world is a smaller place, and there are so many advantages that I don’t want to ignore that it’s there, it would be silly to do so, but at the same time, focusing on real relationships and real friendships that they’re cultivating at this age now, and learning face to face will sort of trickle into their online lives if and when that happens but we’re quite strict on that.

“I feel we’re overcompensating because we didn’t grow up in a tech age and there’s a bit of me that’s a bit naïve and a bit ignorant to all the advances that technology has. We’re going to have to brush up on that over the next few years. My son is ten this year and he’s asking for this game or that game and I go by what the cover of the box says. If it’s a 12 he’s not getting it. At the same time there are times that I’ve said absolutely no to and then gone into the school and they’ve suggested the same game because it’s brilliant for addition or whatever. So I need to open my mind a little bit more and educate myself more and that is something on the list for 2020 and going forwards.”

Just as children evolve, so too must parents says Laura, who says she asks for information from the experts who appear on Ireland AM.

“We’re told that from the children are small, not to argue with them. So if they’re arguing about why they can’t have chocolate for breakfast, you say, ‘because I said so.’ But when that child at four is screaming for chocolate, you can’t, when they’re 14, say ‘no, because I said so,’ without giving an explanation because they deserve an explanation.

“The tendency is to go with the past and I think children do need boundaries and crave boundaries and that’s something I had when I was young and I am thankful for it. Sometimes I’m too permissive, my kids even tell me, ‘You’re the soft one’.  They’ll ask their dad for something and he’ll say no, then they’ll shimmy up to me and I’ll say, ‘Well maybe just a bit…’ Half the time they’re clever enough, they won’t tell me they’ve asked him first. But I did that trick as well!” she laughs.

“But kindness for sure is key. I think if you’re a kind person and you’re not out to cause arguments or strife for other people, you’ll get okay in life.”

Be aware

Having worked for Virgin Media, formerly TV3, for close to a decade, Laura’s priority is to ensure viewers and show guests are equally appreciated – and to enjoy each experience the show affords (she was heading to a salsa lesson in London two days after meeting WW).

“I think the main thing is to enjoy where you are in the moment,” she says. ”People talk about mindfulness all the time and I practise mindfulness on the show. There’s no point in looking at the clock, you’re not going to enjoy what it is you’re doing. Most of the things you’re busy and you’re caught up with who you’re speaking to.

“Our audience would be quite diverse, you’re trying to accommodate as many viewers as you can and deliver some common interest to all of them.”

The show’s variety is diverse, deliberately so, but Laura touches on the stories of parents who sit on the famous sofa to discuss their children, many of whom have medical issues.

“You have to be mindful of the feelings involved,” she says. “Many people don’t necessarily want to be on national television broadcasting their lives but they feel they are obliged to, or have to, or want to in order to spread awareness of something. That is to be respected and admired and certainly, our research and production team work so hard, they really put in the hours behind the scenes, because you really have to be sensitive to those situations. They’re the reason why, when I leave work, I go and grab my kids and hug them a little bit tighter. They really do have an affect on us and the viewer too.”

Crediting the work that goes on behind the scenes Laura takes her own role seriously.

“Not only is it your job to be well informed and knowledgeable on the subject you’re discussing or the interview you’re conducting, but also out of respect for the person sitting on the couch, you need to know your stuff. I’ll sit down with a cup of tea and my notes in my PJs the night before a show and read through it – and I get out of bedtime duty on those nights, so my husband is running up and down the stairs getting water, getting cereal, a banana and I’m sitting there reading the notes.”

Be yourself

Twenty years in the industry – her first day on air was her parents’ wedding anniversary – Laura describes herself as lucky to have started prior to the advent of social media.

“I was cocooned really and I was trained in by this wonderful woman called Mary Lowe, who since went on to found CÓRus [adult singing group]. She was senior continuity announcer at the time and they were just a lovely bunch of people and really just took me under their wing, explained the ropes.

“I felt I was allowed to make my mistakes and if someone had an issue with what I was doing, they had to go to the bother of putting pen to paper and getting a stamp, which on occasion they did,” she laughs, “but it meant going to a lot of effort than it does now, which is just turning on a computer or your phone and having direct access to the person.

“I am looking back with rose-tinted glasses but they were lovely, those early days. I was in my third year in university and it was a lovely time to start off in broadcast media. It was an exciting time; Virgin Media had just come into play the same year I’d started so it was an interesting dynamic to have RTÉ and TV3 around. I had a wonderful time and since I’ve swapped from RTÉ to Virgin nine years ago I haven’t looked back because the show that I do is exactly where I am in life. It’s a show that I watched when I was off on both maternity leaves, it’s the show I tune into for the fashion, for the mortgage advice, the sickness in kids advice, the travel, what I watch on my days off.”

It’s evident how much she enjoys her ‘interactive’ role, happy to see emails coming in that offer feedback on segments.

“You feel that the show, in some small way, matters to people, and you’re part of that and that’s a lovely position to be in. I didn’t think I’d be doing the same job 20 years later but here I am.”

Working too offers a sense of self that can be at times lost when children come along.

“Absolutely, it’s important to have something that’s for me,” says Laura. “I also think perspective is really important and that’s the great thing about getting older. I remember reading an article when I was in my twenties and it was someone in their forties talking about the fact that when they got older, they just didn’t care anymore. One day they woke up and didn’t care what people thought. I thought, ‘wouldn’t that be nice?’ but it’s true: the older you get, the more self confidence you have, you know your limitations but you also know what you can achieve. Perspective for me is important because it is a really enjoyable job but it is a job. I’m in there to do the best that I can as long as the bosses will have me and then I go home to my life.”

The idea of the work/life balance issue that seems to plague many – and the stuff of many a newspaper or magazine feature – is something that Laura (and many others) choose not to focus on.

“Over the years there’s been that whole work/life balance discussion especially aimed at women I suppose… and I hate it, it’s always been a narrative I’ve tried to avoid. But I also feel that there’s been far too much judgement passed – and I don’t know if it’s by the media, it’s certainly not by other women – as regards whether it’s better to stay at home or to go out to work. Really, it’s just up to the individual person and their family.

“‘Better’ is subjective and relates to what you want to do and what works for you. I don’t know of any woman would ever pass judgement on anyone else or their decisions. You just can’t know what would suit other families. There are times where we struggle for balance, everyone does, there’s no perfect scenario, there’s just one that works for you.”

Ireland AM is on daily on Virgin Media One