Dear Mel...

My Friend Refuses Vaccine

Dear Mel,

I am on the verge of falling out with one of my best and oldest friends. She is refusing to get the COVID-19 vaccination, and I am tired and exhausted from listening to her ranting about conspiracy theories and all kinds of nonsense. This all started months ago when the vaccinations were announced and before they were as advanced in terms of roll out as they are now. She seems to get all her information from social media and not official sources which can’t be helping.  I have been vaccinated as has everyone I know over 40 and I just do not know why anyone would not want it. Luckily, she lives alone and is not visiting many people, I probably see more of her than anyone else. We got into the habit of going for a walk almost every day at the start of lockdown in March 2020, so we have been in each other’s ‘bubble’. As she works from home, she is relatively limited in who she sees and at least she wears a mask without too much moaning. She does not have any vulnerable or elderly people to care for and I think that has made her less aware of the impact of the virus on our society at large. She doesn't read newspapers or listen to the news as she says it's more propaganda and government fear mongering.  She has said several times about looking forward to flying away to the sun and recently I pointed out that there was little chance of that happening if she did not get vaccinated. That was the wrong thing to say and she absolutely flipped. I had to apologise and almost retract my comment to get her to calm down. I am not sure if lockdown has affected her mental health, she has always been contrary and volatile, but this latest meltdown was next level. I am almost dreading seeing her every day and find myself tip-toeing around conversations to avoid any more arguments. Surely as one of her oldest friends she should listen to me and trust me when I advise her to get vaccinated instead of behaving like I am the enemy. I care about her, her health and longevity and really do not want this to come between us. At the same time, I am not willing to compromise my or my family’s health simply because one person has taken a very selfish stance on vaccinations. How can I convince her to reconsider without another row? 

Valerie, Co Sligo

Dear Valerie. 

I am sorry to hear you are having this issue with your friend. I believe it is more common than we think and that many friendships and even family relationships have become strained by this resistance. Firstly, it is important to note that some people are unable to take the vaccine if they have certain conditions or are immunocompromised, for instance. People with needle phobia are also hesitant. Then there are others, like your friend, who believe all manner of scare stories about the vaccine and it can be very hard to persuade them that they are wrong. There are plenty of authoritative sites like the HSE (hse.ie) here in Ireland, the European Medicines Agency (ema.europa.eu) and the World Health Organisation (who.int) who separate the facts from the myths. You believe your friend is getting most of her information from social media where there is a lot of misinformation - perhaps you could nudge her to look at some of these more trustworthy sites? There is evidence to suggest that people who get information from social media platforms are more hesitant than those who get it from official sources. Sitting down with her calmly and asking her if she would be willing to share with you her concerns and where she learned about those fears could be a way to engage with her on the validity of those social media posts -  the authority and expertise of the person sharing the information. There are people who just want to grow followers to promote something that is of economic value to them. The most important thing is to let your friend know you are taking her concerns seriously, get her to outline them and then try to persuade her to make an informed decision. Use the positive benefits of getting vaccinated e.g., going abroad for a sunshine holiday, eating in restaurants, going to the theatre/cinema/concerts as they begin to open again. Is there somewhere you can suggest you would love to go with her but can’t if she is not vaccinated? Ensure she knows having taken such a hard stance on being vaccinated that it's ok to change her mind. You mention you are concerned about her mental health.Many people have been affected by the pandemic and it could well be that your friend is anxious and struggling. You could suggest she has a chat with her GP about her concerns as they will be able to allay her worst fears as well as perhaps disputing her conspiracy theory concerns. You should reassure her that your concern is for her health and safety and explain that  as you are fully vaccinated you do not have that worry for yourself. However, you could still pass it to her if she does not get vaccinated. As the experts say, the vaccination will only be effective when most people are vaccinated. I know you have a bit of an uphill struggle with this. From this month the ‘EU Digital COVID Certificate’ is operational in most countries in Europe - it will facilitate safe free movement of people in the EU. Ireland is a little bit behind mainland Europe but it should be operational here very shortly. I think your friend will realise that it is far easier to avail of the certificate for travel when she is fully vaccinated rather than having to do tests before and after and also possibly face local quarantine.  At the end of the day, your friend will have to make her own choice, you can only do so much in helping her to be informed. I truly hope she sees sense and that your friendship continues as before. Best wishes,

Mel 

You can email Mel with your problem at womansway@harmonia.ie